I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I smell stomach acid.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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