I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
