woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
