She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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