Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
where does the pee come out of this thing
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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