nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
