watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
MIDGETS
????
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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