It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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