The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
