College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
