that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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