Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
