woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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