saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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