Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
