Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
