You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
