Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
