I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
