I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
