I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
