..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
