well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
