I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize