it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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