you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
