I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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