dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
