My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
