I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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