yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she peed on how many people?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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