you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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