You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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