On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
