I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
