I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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