omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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