last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize