thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
