the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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