I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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