Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
