she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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