Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
