I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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