i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
