I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
