its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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