I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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