I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
