so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
