I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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