we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
