I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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