on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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