im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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