I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
