i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize