I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
