scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
