listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
