I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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