next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
