you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
