I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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