I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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