I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
