Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
