Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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