i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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