How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
